This was a post I wrote down yesterday night :

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Mhmm. This is pretty lame considering how I'm writing a blogpost/entry in my science book. Since I was already on the computer and Vicki's on it now (and how she thinks the word GEMO= Goth/Emo label pretty much sucks and sounds oouber lame.) So yep, my time is up. But just before I got off, I was reading some of my REEEEEEEALLY old posts/entires and man... I remembered things I thought I'd never remember, and it was just by READING a few old entries.

Comparing my old lindo to what I have now is just... pure shock. I'm actually really disgusted at my broken English and how terrible it is just to read it... let alone thinking that I used to speak it! I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Snglish. Its unique, but have you ever thought how outsiders would think how crude our accent is? Its just so... appalling. Crazy! And ever since moving to this country.. so many trials and ups and downs have happened and like..., sometimes I even wonder why God puts me through all of it, but I know it happens for a reason I would never get to know. I admit, my faith has backslided SO MUCH over here, since this country is pretty much liberal with almost everything. Life here hasn't been the same. And it also hasn't been the same ever since I found out I had my thyroid problem. Like, everything just starts dawning upon me, I blame everything on it. I pretend to have panic attacks, and then I start to make myself believe that I have it and eventually, my mind takes over my body and I start freaking out like crazy,and trust me on this, its not very funny. I feel so insecure sometimes I cry over NOTHING.

I mean, I don't even know the reason why I pretend to have it in the first place, but I'm guessing its paranoria. I stress over SO MUCH SHIT, I'm so cautious about everything I do. I can't explain how it is but it is SO annoying and you can tell its taken a toll on my body. Consistently over the years I've been losing a lot of weight and having more nausea waves, I sometimes I imagine myself in a mental institute, with the madman outfit on in a white soundproof cube box. I freak myself so much, its not a laughing matter.

But somehow I know God makes this happen so I can grow closer to Him. Sometimes its so intense, I wish God would take me away, but then I'll take it back and ask Him to forgive me because I'm here for a reason and I wanna fulfill it. Getting over my paranoria is a hard task and I'm not over it yet. I still fall back and feel insecure and I need people around for me to depend on. I'm still stuffed with 12 pills a day, and still counting down, I have yet another Endocronologist appointment in 5 days... so let's just hope that this works. But putting this aside, this move to Australia has also made me grow close to my family, and see how much capable my parents are in taking care of my sisters and I. Although its very much annoying how they always remind me to take my medication- taking it at the right time and blablabla, I know they mean well and they want me not to suffer anymore. I love my parents so much for making my life way more comfortable than what it can be. My sisters are a bunch of whiny, funny girls, and I've learnt to appreciate them much more. (VICKITAN AND JUZZYPOO). We actually communicate so much mre over here than in Singapore, cos basically over there, its just you and your books, whereas for here, its you, your books and most importantly, your family.

[[HANDWRITING GETS MESSY. ITS 12 SOMETHING IN THE MORNING]]

My family has been supporting me so much all through my crappy/shitty/annoying/whinny times especially when I complain I'm fat- IT IS PARTIALLY TRUE.

:S

They've always loved me for who I am- no matter how much I weighed. Be it when I was 70 kg, or when I lost a lot of weight (which worried my parents sickcrap like crazy) to 56 kg the very next year, or to where I am now, 49.5 kg. They have been standing strong with me all this time and I love them so much for it. LOVELOVELOVEHEARTSHEARTSHEARTS.

((I think its hailing outside now))

Through this whole time, God put this life here in Sydney for a purpose, and so far, I hope to accomplish it to make the best I can make it.

I'm not afraid for my Father is with me, with me wherever I go, speaking words of Faith, of Courage and of Love, He's with me wherever I go.

And special thanks so SarahTeo and surprisingly, BenKwok. For helping me in your own special way. I LOVE YOU TWO LOAAAAADS<3<3. Have fun at YC and don't do anything I wouldn't do ;p

Over and out.

Okay this is stupid. I can't upload PICTURES. WHAT IS WITH THIS STUPID BLOGGER.

ARGGHHH.

I'll go on phtobucket now. PFFFSJHFGSJHGDA.