I'm beginning to wonder if I was happier when I was fatter. Like not caring how people would look at me and just eat happily.

BUT...

Then I would've died earlier from cardiovascular disease and become all diabetic and asthmatic and overweight (obesity) that would've stopped me from doing all the fun stuff.

BUT...

I could've joined Biggest Loser and become all fit. Instead of actually literally becoming so obsessed with losing weight and edging on actually becoming bulimc.

SDKJFBSIUKFBWEUOFBQ- Stupid image. STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID.

I just read Denim Blue by Melody Carson. She's a really good author.

Went to Word Bookstore today at Sutho, and got my Joyce Meyer book... (OKAY I AM EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY UNSTABLE. Now you all know OKAYTHNXCARRYON) Its supposed to help me stabalise my panic attacks and BLABLABLA.

I hope it does help. I need it to help me get my life back again. Nowadays, I know like I seem happy and all but like, at night, I start getting nervous for no reason. Weird.

BUT I'M fine after I start walking around and talking to Vicki. Thank God she's there. PHEW!

ANYHOO. Shopbop.com is really good. I found all these things I wantttt! But oh man. I HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHTTTT! How I wish I can feel good about myself and ACTUALLY LOOK GOOD.

Like flat tummy. Lip sticky outy hip bones, slender arms and TOTALLY LEAN PINS. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BODY.

KSDBFKSAJBFAKJBFAKWJBEAQ. Anyways. What I want:

Firstly, you have the tops! I want knit dresses. They really hide the flab off your tummy. BUTBUTBUT, you kinda have to work out for the leggy bits. So there are pros and cons to these tops.




And then the other kinds of tops, like cardigans and hoodies and mostly jackets...






Secondly, you get the bottoms. (You see the model's tummys. HOMGZ I WANTZ)



TRACKIE DACKS!(Totally fashionable!)


Yes, this one goes with the jacket as well.

Thirdly, you can't forget the jammies!

I know it looks better on her. BODYJAM HERE I COME TO WORK OUT AND BECOME LIKE HER. JKNSKJBDAKJBDA. I hate my body right now.

Fourthly, who can't forget about the shoes??
The awesomeriffic flats:

Then you get the boooootz:


Then the fluffy slipperzzz: (They look comfy already...)

Then the skyhigh pumps!:



AND THEN YOU GET THE ACCESSORIESSSSSS: (Bags first)

I love Juicy.



JEWELRY!:




And lastly. The impossible:


SIGH. LOSING WEIGHT/BODYJAM HERE I COME.